The Light Bulb Story
or, anything to keep a tenant happy
(note left in night drop, Sunday night) Dear Apartment Manager, When I signed my new lease and moved in last week, I was told that you would furnish an initial supply of light bulbs, including the 12 special bulbs for my chandelier, and also the bulbs for my 8 lamps. I thought this was a nice gesture, so would you please have someone leave them today? Apt. 112. Thanks, S. Rogers
(note left in night drop, Monday night)
Dear Apartment Manager,
Thanks for having the light bulbs delivered. However, there were 6 too many, but I’ll keep them for spares unless you need them back. Unfortunately, they didn’t leave the 12 special bulbs for my dining area chandelier. I would appreciate someone leaving the chandelier bulbs today. Apt. 112. Thank you. S. Rogers
(note left in night drop, Tuesday night)
Dear Apartment Manager,
I guess I wasn’t clear, it’s chandelier bulbs, 12 of them, that I still need. Someone left 12 bulbs today, but they were regular bulbs, not chandelier bulbs. I was promised those ‘teardrop" bulbs. I now have 18 bulbs that I don’t need and they are stacked on the kitchen counter for you. Apt. 112. Thanks for your prompt attention. S. Rogers
(note left in the night drop, Wednesday night)
Dear Apartment Manager,
There’s still a problem, I guess. Someone left 12 chandelier bulbs today but they were the wrong kind. So, I now have 30 bulbs that I don’t need or can’t use. Kindly remove them and please leave the 12 small base, teardrop, chandelier bulbs as soon as possible. Apt. 112, S. Rogers
(note left in the night drop, Thursday night)
Dear Apartment Manager,
I don’t know what to say, I now have 7 stacks of light bulbs, 6 bulbs to the stack, that I don’t need. That’s 42 you can probably use. But I still don’t have the 12 chandelier bulbs. Can’t someone please get this straight for me? Apt. 112, S. Rogers
(note left on S. Roger’s door, Friday afternoon)
Dear S. Rogers,
I am not your regular manager. She got sick on Tuesday but should be back on Monday. I am sorry for the inconvenience. I am having maintenance leave 12 chandelier bulbs for you today, along with a half dozen regular bulbs as your gift to you for your trouble. Mary Smith
(note left in night drop, Friday night)
Dear Ms. Smith
Would you believe I now have 60 light bulbs on my kitchen counter?!!! That’s right. Sixty of them. And I don’t need or want them. All I want is 12, small base, frosted, 25 watt, teardrop chandelier bulbs. I will be away for the weekend, but will return on Sunday night. Please have all these bulbs removed from my apartment, #112. Please, you have the entire weekend to get this done. Thank you, Sam Rogers
(note left in night drop, Monday morning)
Dear Ms. Smith
Unfortunately, we can’t seem to communicate. You can only imagine how furious I was to return to my apartment last night about midnight and find that every single light bulb in the apartment has been removed. I had no lights whatsoever. That’s almost 80 light bulbs, including the one’s over my bathroom vanity. It’s interesting, shaving by candlelight. We’ve been trying for a week to get this straight. Can you PLEASE, PLEASE, RETURN MY BULBS??? Sam Rogers, Apt. 112
(note left on Roger’s door, Monday afternoon)
Dear Sam,
I am so sorry for the mistake. I am you regular manager. Apparently my substitute last week misunderstood. All your light bulbs have been returned, along with the 12 chandelier bulbs. Thank you for being our resident. If you would like to talk about this in person, I am in the office from 9 until 5. Marie Jones
(note left in night drop, Monday night)
Dear Ms. Jones,
cc: Regional Supervisor, by fax
Do you have any idea what it’s like to have 136 light bulbs stacked on your kitchen counter? I would love to talk to you, but I leave for work at 8:30, and don’t get home until about 5:30. All I ever wanted was 8 regular, and 12 chandelier bulbs that were promised by Sue Davis when I moved in here. One more time...can you get that done for me? Just those, I don’t need all the others. Please remove them, dammit!! Please help me. Please. Sam Rogers, #112
(note left on Roger’s door, Tuesday afternoon)
Dear Mr. Rogers,
I am the regional supervisor over your property, and I will be here for a few days since the manager resigned without notice. Although we bend over backwards to please our residents, we don’t appreciate profanity. Also, Sue Davis is no longer with us and she had no authority to promise light bulbs. I would need to see that promise in writing. And we certainly don’t provide over 100 bulbs for anyone. Why would you want so many bulbs? This move-in gesture on our part has now been discontinued, but since we value you as a resident, I have instructed maintenance to leave 12 bulbs for you, today. I do hope this is satisfactory, but we have gone to a lot of trouble to please you and this will be our last attempt trying to provide you with light bulbs. Mrs. C. Cross, Regional Supervisor
(note left in night drop, Tuesday night)
Ms. Cross,
Forget it. Those 12 were still the wrong bulbs. But don’t do anything else for me, please. I bought the correct bulbs today myself. I suppose I could open a light bulb store with the 148 bulbs now stacked neatly all over my apartment. Or, I might use them for Christmas presents. Oh...and one other thing...please accept this notice as my 5 ½ month notice to vacate at the end of my lease. S. Rogers, Apartment #112
(form letter on Sam Roger’s door, with a 69 cent bag of candy, four months later)
Dear Mr. S. Rogers,
According to our records, your lease will be expiring soon. We are pleased to offer you the following options: You may sign a new lease with us, although your rental rate will change from $750 per month to $975 per month. Or, should you choose to stay on a month-to-month basis, your rent will be $925 per month, plus a $50 month-to-month charge. Although I’ve only been your property manager for two weeks, our property has enjoyed having you as a resident, and I look forward to serving you in the future. As you probably know, we have an excellent service department, and keep in mind that the experts say that the cost of moving is over $1,200. Looking forward to meeting you. R. Thompson, Manager
(not left in night drop, same day)
Dear R. Thompson,
Fat chance, dude. I had actually considered staying until I received your note. Apparently you don’t review a resident file before sending such form letters. Oh, by the way, for your information, I’m only moving a mile down the road to another apartment, and you should know that all my utility deposits are transferring. The movers are charging $189. The total charges to change the service for power telephone, etc. amount to about $70. So, you see, I am insulted that you actually think I would believe that $1,200 claim when my total costs to move will be less than $300, especially since I won’t need to buy light bulbs for some time. My new rent, by the way, for a larger, new apartment is $80 per month less than I’m paying now, and it’s a much prettier place. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I’ll actually save money by moving out. One last thing. I expect to have to fight you to get my security deposit back, and I’m ready. I’ll be taking photographs and plan to have two witnesses inspect my apartment when I leave. Sam Rogers, Apartment #112.
(note left on S. Roger’s door, next week)
Dear Mr. Rogers,
We are sorry to hear that you’re moving, but remember that your lease specifically states that for your move-out notice to be acceptable, it must be on our form, which you may pick up at the office between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. The Management
From KARHA News, September, 1997
Kalamazoo Area Rental Housing Association |